welcome to my secret journal.

here i'll speak more about myself while keeping an appropriate distance from the archive. enjoy your stay, nosy.

about me... i'm 22 years old. i'm in my second-to-last university semester and i hate it. i'm autistic. i work with puppies. i like psychological horror and alternative music.

journal entry... i've relapsed with my eating disorder. between losing my last job (not the dog job, thankfully), making minimum wage (at the dog job, unfortunately) and struggling through this semester, i've lost all agency and have turned to what i have left. my weight has reached a low it hasn't been since my early teens. my bmi is 15 again. at least it isn't as damaging as cutting. i haven't picked up the blade yet but one morning i woke up with a safety razor in my hand. i guess i came close to relapsing there, too.

i'm seeing my girlfriend in two weeks. i'll be staying with her for a few days - i haven't seen her in months. i hope spending time with her will pull me out of my slump. i don't know why i'm writing about this here. maybe i just want to talk about it without taking attention away from my loved ones.

next...